вы слишком долго были в Швеции... Опции

[Васёк]

Набрел на сайте австралийцев в Швеции
Конечно, Швеция отлична от Швейцарии, но некоторые пунктики, думаю, совпадают, другие же вызовут улыбку
Наиболее характерное я выделил жирным.


YOU KNOW YOU’VE BEEN IN SWEDEN TOO LONG WHEN...........

2. As you walk past a building in Stockholm, and see the statue is titled "Svinhuvud" you no longer read it as "Swinehead" ... instead you think "What a good Swedish name!"

3. The first thing you do upon entering a bank/post office/chemist etc. is to look for the queue number machine.

4. You accept that you will have to queue to take a queue number.

5. When a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume:
a: he is drunk
b: he is insane
c: he's an American

10. Silence is fun.

11. The reason you take the ferry to Finland is:
a: duty free vodka
b: duty free beer
c: to party hearty...no need to get off the boat in Helsinki, just turn around and do it again on the way back to Sweden.

12. Your coffee consumption exceeds 6 cups a day and coffee is too weak if there is less than 10 scoops per pot.

13. You pass a supermarket and think "Wow, it is open, I had better go in and buy something!"

17. Your idea of unforgivable behaviour now includes walking across the street when the light is red and there is no WALK symbol, even though there are no cars in sight.

18. Your notion of street life is reduced to the few teenagers hanging out in front of the railway station on Friday nights.

20. Sundays no longer seem dull with all the shops closed, and begin to feel restful instead.

22. You have only two facial expressions – smiling or blank. Also your arms are just hanging down when you chat with other people.

24. Your old habit of being "fashionably late" is no longer acceptable. You are always on time.

25. Hugging is reserved for sexual foreplay

27. You refuse to wear a hat, even in minus 20 degree weather.

28. You hear loud-talking passengers on the train. You immediately assume:
a: they are drunk
b: they are Finnish
c: they are American
d: all of the above

35. You have undergone a transformation:
... you accept alcohol as food

43. You know that "religious holiday" means "let's get pissed."

45. You know that "men’s public bathroom" is another phrase for footpath.

51. You accept that 80 degrees C in a sauna is chilly, but 20 degrees C outside is freaking hot.

52. An outside temperature of 5 degrees C is mild.

53. It no longer seems excessive to spend 1,000kr (110 euro) on alcohol in a single night

55. You think that riding a bicycle in the snow is a perfectly sensible thing to do.

56. You have conversations with people outside when it is –10C.

58. You regard it as sensible to eat ice cream when it is –15C.

59. You regard it as sensible that the ice cream van comes around playing that annoying song when it is -15C.

60. Someone calls you a ”good moron” first thing in the morning and you smile acknowledgement.

63. You associate Friday afternoon with a trip to systembolaget (до последнего времени государственная алкогольная монополия запрещала продажу алкоголя по выходным. Теперь продают до 1500 в субботу).

64. You think nothing of paying $50 for a bottle of 'cheap' spirits at systembolaget

66. It seems sensible that the age limit at Stockholm night clubs is 25.

72. You think it's more fun to stay at home and drink then go out.

75. You get extremely annoyed when the bus is two minutes late.

76. You think women are more than equal than men and deserve to have better positions in the work place.


77. Your wife watches TV while you look after the kids.

78. You become a punctuality freak and dump your friends for being late more than once.

81. You've been engaged for four years and don't have any plans to get married.

83. You and your friends know exactly the same information, and have the same attitudes and beliefs in the value of Social Democracy.

85. You think that if you smoke a joint you will wind up in an insane asylum. [or become a habitual criminal]

88. You have an uncontrollable urge to mail this list and point out the numbering is incorrect!

95. You assume that anyone who apologises after bumping into you is a tourist.

99. It seems reasonable that even those begging for money at T-centralen reach for their pocket as the melodic music of the Swedish mobile phone resounds.

102. You understand that when a colleague asks you out for "a drink," it will probably be a long night with a severe hangover the next day.

103. You start to think that having a sauna in the nude with a bunch of strangers is a necessary part of daily life ... and a necessary part of business.

104. You start to differentiate between types of snow.

107. You become extremely skilled at assembling pre-packaged furniture kits.

115. You accept that you will never again wear your beautiful stiletto heels because:
a: there's snow everywhere and even if you did then,
b: you still have to take them off at the door which instantly ruins the hitherto glamorous line of whatever you were wearing as you drop, 10cm, onto your flat feet in your short and sexy little black dress. Not the same effect at all.

116. When offered a bottle of beer the first thing you look at is the alcoholic percentage.

118. You can't contemplate actually doing anything until you've first had a 'fika' (with coffee AND cake).

119. You think it entirely reasonable to pay $40 for a five minute chat with the doctor.

120. You use the alcohol percentage-per-kroner standard for measuring the quality of beer and wine.

121. You think it is normal EVERYTHING is regulated and you obey the rules voluntarily.

128. Hearing the words f*ck and shag on daytime TV seems perfectly normal.

130. You mutter "oy,oy,oy" continually to yourself even though you are the only one in the room.

137. You expect to find the glove you dropped in February hanging on a post in June

144. You will squeeze past somebody rather than say excuse me.

157. You start looking at socialbidrag (welfare) less as an absolutely desperate last resort and more as a way of life.

168. You take two hour naps at work and the idea of losing your job never crosses your mind.

170. You take it as a given that your wife/husband will get so wasted on Midsommar that he/she will end up in bed with someone other than yourself.

179. You can't throw a plastic bottle away with out having a guilty conscience.

185. You find yourself wobbling home from the pub on your bicycle.

187. You hide 5 or 6 bottles of spirits in your suitcase, one or two in your backpack, and put just one in the duty free shopping bag. (1L – мах лимит на импорт алкоголя)

200. You are no longer offended by the fact that you are a Swedish size XL when at "home" you are a medium.(бедные австралийцы))

202. When visiting others you try to go in first. If it's locked THEN you ring the doorbell.

233. People buy you a drink in November because they remember when you bought them one in March.

236. A 25 % sales tax on just about everything is no big deal.

251. You think the songs played at "The Eurovision song contest" are instant hits.

275. You no longer expect to just "call in" unexpectedly on a friend.

280. You know you have to hurry home to stop the ice cream from getting too hard.

304. Swedes saying Va' (=what?) to you is still annoying (even after ten years), not to mention that there is no real word for “please”, or?

309. All of your conversations resemble a chess game, with each participant quietly and patiently awaiting the other to finish their turn.

319. A seven-year-old with his own mobile phone seems perfectly sensible.

321. You know the Swedish national anthem better than your own.

329. Your wallet contains more plastic than a Hollywood superstar.

339. You feel a certain sense of pride when you see Swedish people in films or on foreign TV shows.

344. You know that going for a coffee is a first date.

349. You are no longer surprised when you see full-frontal male nudity in a commercial or on TV.

351. You can pick out the real blondes from the fake blondes.

358. It seems sensible that you need to be at least 25 to buy a bottle of red wine.

360. You are terrified of meeting you neighbour in the stairwell.

363. You think there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.

366. You think is perfectly normal that people get in to nightclubs/restaurants with innerbandy stick and shopping bags.

367. You think is perfectly normal that nobody talks on the bus, train or tunnelbana.

375. Your house is starting to look like the showcase to IKEA.

376. You think it's acceptable that builders start banging and hammering at 5.30am.

377. You are horrified if you see anyone drinking wine with their lunch.

381. You inform your partner six months ahead of a weekend when you will be playing cricket/rugby/football.

382. You tell the ticket office staff that you have seen someone drinking beer on the underground station platform.

383. YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE LIVE ANYWHERE BUT IN SWEDEN!!!!

[Koala]

Вы слишком долго прожили в Швейцарии, если.

1) Автоматически здороваетесь с каждым встречным;
2) ...и часто делаете это искренне.
3) Если вы живёте во французском кантоне, вас раздражают надписи на немецком без перевода. Если вы живёте в немецком кантоне, вас раздражают совершенно ненужные переводы на французский и итальянский. Если же вы живёте в итальянском кантоне, то вас раздражает вообще всё, и вы шумно делитесь эмоциями с окружающими.
4) Шутка. На самом деле ничего вас давно не раздражает, и вы более или менее говорите на нескольких языках. А если уж вас угораздило жить в Женеве — то даже не только на швейцарских.
5) Кантон, в котором вы живёте, вы излазили вдоль и поперёк, и считаете, что там нет ничего интересного (независимо от кантона). Вот у соседей...
6) Опоздание поезда больше чем на 40 секунд считаете преступлением против человечества. К французским кантонам не относится. Там поезд иногда может опоздать (о ужас!!) на две-три минуты.
7) Вы относитесь ко всем другим странам как к экзотическим заповедникам: забавно, но совершенно непригодно для жизни.
8 ) Вы знаете, что если в два часа ночи в тёмной подворотне встретите толпу шумных негров, самое страшное, что они вам сделают — угостят пивом.
9) Вас не удивляют уличные часы «Ролекс» и «Патек филипп» на каждом столбе.
10) Вы считаете дни до получения швейцарского гражданства.
11) Полицейских вы видели два-три раза, и во всех этих случаях они спокойно отдыхали в машине.
12) С первых дней в Швейцарии вы выучили дорогу к дому, которая не проходит через частную собственность. Хотя это было нелегко.
13) Вы считаете, что жизнь прекрасна и удивительна, а Вселенная — дружественна по отношению к нам.

[SnowedOver]

Набрел на сайте австралийцев в Швеции
Конечно, Швеция отлична от Швейцарии, но некоторые пунктики, думаю, совпадают, другие же вызовут улыбку

да там же было пунков 300 вроде))) ничего себе ты стока чикал))) :P

[Васёк]

да там же было пунков 300 вроде))) ничего себе ты стока чикал))) :P

остальное было "не смешно" или "не поймут (шведский юмор)"

[Васёк]

(ничего не менял --)


From alan Wed Aug 9 08:54:08 1995
To: andrew, frank, paul, eamonn, charl, jeremy
Subject: You know you've..
Content-Type: X-sun-attachment
Content-Length: 8974

You know you've been in (German speaking) Switzerland too long when:

..you think it's economically wasteful to have more than one brand of
a product in a store.
..you think sponteniaty is OK, as long as it's planned.
..you think getting up early is good.
..you get upset in the train when a foreign tourist opens the window
causing a draft to go down your back.
..you actually get interested in the local elections.
..you know the words to the Swiss national anthem.
..you expect the shop clerk to say goodbye after you purchase something.
..you wait for the shop clerk to open the door to let you out of their shop.
..you prefer to buy in small shops even though its more expensive.
..you think joining clubs is an acceptable way of meeting people socially.
..you start studying for a Nachdiplom.
..you get annoyed when the car ahead of you doesn't turn off it's motor
at a traffic light.
..you look forward to Wildsaison.
..you're prepared to pay for a local dentist.
..you're not upset when a public holiday falls on a Sunday.
..you try to defend cartel based economics to a visitor.
..you think that plaid jackets with flowery ties don't look that bad.
..you think it's fair that you can only wash clothes once a month.
..you wonder why anyone would want to shop outside of working hours.
..you buy Siwss.
..you get concerned about all the foreigners moving into the country.
..you approve of school on Saturday mornings.
..you don't mind spending all day in the restaurant at a ski resort,
and wonder why all the foreigners insist on skiing when the conditions
are less than optimal.
..you know the difference between Cafe Traesh, and Cafe Luetz, and get
upset when others don't know.
..you become suspicious of people who think independently.
..you decide on a vacation in the US, planning to buy a car and drive around
for six months.
..you can comment on the quality of english schools in southern England
and California.
..you consider taking a vacation to Florida, but then don't go, because it's
too dangerous.
..you think it's OK to drive slow on Sundays.
..you pull out in front of another car, to reserve your place.
..you reserve your table first, before getting food in a cafeteria.
..you don't worry about your jacket being stolen in a restaurant.
..you feel like you're broke if you have less that $300 in your pocket.
..you get upset when someone pays with a credit card, instead of paying cash.
..you dress up to go grocery shopping.
..you wear white socks with black shoes.
..you feel embarassed when your squash racket grip doesn't match your socks.
..you wish the Swiss government would do something about their refugee policy.
..you don't get upset about US politics, because after all they're American.
..you hope Switzerland doesn't join the European community.
..you consider food with garlic in it to be spicy.
..you understand why Chinese food _should_ cost more than _normal_ food.
..you get embarassed when a visitor asks for a doggie bag in a restaurant.
..you prefer Swiss wine.
..you are willing to pay higher prices, because it ensures higher quality.
..you wish that your town had expensive garbage bags too.
..you consider target shooting a 'sport'.
..you assume that all blacks are foreigners.
..you assume that all asians are refugees.
..you start judging restaurants and hotels, giving criticism when your
expections are not met.
..you think it's OK for a Chinese restaurant to be run by a Swiss and
staffed by Spaniards and Portugese.
..you start refering to the French speaking Swiss as Welsh.
..you start thinking, 'Why can't they just speak Schwiizerdutsch?'
..you don't mind waiting in restuarants.
..your German is better than the waiter's.
..you insist on speaking German to people that are obviously English speakers.
..you take a foreign language course, in German.
..you have trouble finding English words.
..you stop going out on Monday and Tuesday nights, because you have to work
the next day, but always go out on Thursday nights.
..you don't think it's funny when someone confuses Switzerland with Sweden.
..you get upset when someone thinks Switzerland's forth language is English.
..you know the difference between a Landsprach and an Amtsprach.
..you stop liking peanut butter.
..you start capatalizing Nouns, and joining Bigwords together.
..you think that Generalversammulung is an important event.
..you start preparing costumes for Fasnacht.
..you join a Guggimusik band.
..you think Thursday night shopping is really convenient.
..you buy Swiss eye glasses.
..you entertain in restaurants.
..you decline an invitation because you have to clean your apartment.
..you think it's normal for a family with kids to live in an apartment.
..you don't take part in a sporting activity, because you're not dressed for it.
..you consider it normal to make reservations to see a movie.
..you are glad of the pause during a movie, so that you can smoke a
cigarette and buy an ice cream.
..you think that large American cars are 'cool'.
..you think it's cool to drink expensive imported American beers.
..you prefer fizzy mineral water to tap water.
..you expect a slice of lemon in your coke.
..you worry that you don't have the right sort of glasses for the drinks
you are going to serve.
..you throw a party and expect everyone to leave by 11:30 pm.
..you clean up during parties.
..you expect dinner guests to help with the washing up.
..you think that air conditioning makes people sick.
..you begin to understand the subtlity of the Swiss cusine.
..you appreciate the differences between the cantons.
..you don't get mad, you just answer 'Bon appetit' when someone asks you
what's English for 'En guete'.
..you don't mind drinking Panache.
..you feel really hungry if you don't start eating lunch by 12:00.
..you start disliking fast-food.
..you prefer plain chocolate to candy bars.
..you have breakfast cereal for dinner.
..you consider it healthy to eat lots of milk products and lean red meat.
..you say Gruezi to everyone, and consider it impolite when they don't say
it back.
..you don't mind paying $12 for a paperback book.
..you think that PTT approved telephones are better.
..you buy a new one instead of getting it repaired.
..you realize the subversive implications of doing something 'just for fun'.
..you think that 3% unemployment is high.
..you think it was through their own efforts that Switzerland stayed out of
world war two.
..you think that milk and butter prices should be regulated.
..you worry about the economic hardships that Swiss farmers face.
..you consider getting goats and sheep to graze in your backyard.
..you think that wood is 'Heimlich'.
..you start to think in kilometers.
..you think that a pound is 500 grams and not 16 ounces.
..you don't feel embarassed when you order something non-alcolohic in a bar.
..you only eat fondue in winter.
..you complain to your neighbor about the noise when he flushes his toilet
after 10 pm.
..you become interested in the myriad of insurance offerings.
..you call the police when you see someone washing their car on a Sunday.
..you start complaining about the breakdown of traditional Swiss values.
..you think that Sunday should be a day of rest.
..you take part in Jass tournaments.
..you get interested in Schwingen.
..you volunteer to help organize the Dorffest.
..you buy a new TV because the old one doesn't match the new furniture.
..you expect to be delayed by road works.
..you aren't surprised when a perfectly good road is torn up and repaved.
..you buy a new ski suit every year.
..you feel comforted by public safety announcements.
..you prefer hamburgers without the bun, and eat them with a knife and fork.
..you think that only foreigners use catsup.
..you expect bacon to have bits of bone in it.
..you wonder why anyone would want such a big refrigerator.
..you become concerned about the color of your neighbor's curtains.
..you put Aromat on all your food.
..you start judging the quality of the whipped cream.
..you become offended when reading this.
..you think that Switzerland's conservation efforts make a difference.
..you think it's OK to wear red Levis.
..you refuse to leave messages on answering machines because it's too
impersonal.
..you start complaining about the difficulty of finding really good
Bauernschnapps.
..you expect beer prices to go up after midnight.
..you worry about getting a cold when there's a draft.
..you refuse to tell someone your salary.
..you think that hard work is responsible for the stability of the Swiss franc.
..you read this far.

[SnowedOver]

не длинный списочек-то??))))

[Васёк]

не длинный списочек-то??))))

тут другая фишка -- я не взялся редактировать, так как возможно, что что-то мне не смешное будет смешным кому-то, кто был тут дольше. есть желающие провести редакцию?

[SnowedOver]

тут другая фишка -- я не взялся редактировать, так как возможно, что что-то мне не смешное будет смешным кому-то, кто был тут дольше. есть желающие провести редакцию?

эээээээээмс_)))) нет))))

ЗЫ для модера: сказала только за себя)) если есть желающие, которых подразумевал Уважаемый Васек, то велкам)))))
где этот герой?)))

[Misha]

8 ) Вы знаете, что если в два часа ночи в тёмной подворотне встретите толпу шумных негров, самое страшное, что они вам сделают — угостят пивом.

афтар, хорошая попытка, но вынужден огорчить - полнейший незачот!! так что можешь смело выпеть йаду!)))

1) с каждым встречным не здороваются даже швейцарцы
2).. и тем более ни один швейцарец не делает это искренне
3) впринципе нормально, только я че-то не видел надписей на немецком нигде...
8) согласен - ибо толпа негров-растаманов по определению не может представлять опасности)))
11) как ни странно я видел как полицейские пиздили негров в подворотне))) а еще как полицеские не раз записывали наши адреса, имена и фамилии))
12) я вообщепервое время когда возврашался из школы, перелезал через забор, и шел домой через частную собственность, чтобы сократить путь)))
13)не вижу никакого отношения к теме.

[Дюдюка Вредина]

тут другая фишка -- я не взялся редактировать, так как возможно, что что-то мне не смешное будет смешным кому-то, кто был тут дольше. есть желающие провести редакцию?

блин, а мне вот не смешно, а стремно стало
особенно как вспомню, что написала заявление на встепление в ферайн